Thatmoment when all of a sudden everything comes crashing into you, from that very tiny thought in your head that will drag you to the biggest confusion or mistake that will make you go crazy. That reason of your pain from the past that was caused by one person, that ruined or damaged your trust. The main reason of mistrust as we all know is trust itself. We trust people but we end up being disappointed or being lied to that give us all these doubts. When a certain person lied to us especially the ones we've trusted the most, we tend to get paranoid sometimes, that confuses us whether it's the truth or just our plain imagination and sometimes trauma. Giving our trust to this person who gave us a lot of reasons not to give our trust to is a very difficult thing to do, being hurt again and again by the same reason and by the same person is really very tiring, but sometimes, it's not that person that hurt us, sometimes we hurt ourselves because of our doubts, being hurt, lied to and all those things that can hurt us is really traumatic but in the other hand it's as easy as learning to give our trust again and just simply leave everything to that person, whatever happened in the past is over and whatever we do, we can never take it back. Doubts will get us nowhere, but trust will. It will take us somewhere, " peace of mind." We should give our trust to people who deserves to be trusted, those people who had proven themselves worthy to be trusted again. Everybody learns from their mistakes. You did and I did.
Since when did gays and lesbians became less than anybody else? Is it because of their sexuality? Is it because they are different compared to others? i honestly dont see any difference, since we are all humans breathing the same air. Some people judge them just because they are into same sex, some say it is a sin... Is loving and caring for someone a sin if thats the case? Being gay is not even a decision to be made but a feeling you feel in your heart, a feeling that you know that can't be accepted by everyone, but you have to stand by what you want because you know you wont be happy if you try to fit in and just pretend to be somebody else. Everybody wants to be happy, everybody deserves to be.. So let us not judge anyone, gay or straight because we only want what our heart desires. There is nothing wrong about being gay as long as you don't hurt anyone.
I figured out a lot of things about me this year. I did not know that i'm so damn patient and very forgiving, I also did not know that i am very stupid when it comes to decision making especially in my studies and also in love. If only regret can turn into money, i'll be damn rich. All these regrets may not turn into money, but i'm sure i'll get something out of it, "lessons." I also couldn't say that all of my decisions all turned into regrets, some made me really happy and some made me cry hard. Life is bitter sweet as we all know, maybe i just consider my mistakes as regrets and not as lessons, I've made bunch of mistakes, some I would continue doing and some I'm sacred as hell to even think of doing again. My heart was broken a couple of times, but who the hell will stop a stubborn heart? I will give every strand of chance i can give, I can forgive everyday. If i did all these to you, hell yeah! i do love you. I also broke the heart of the two most important woman in my life, my girlfriend and my mom who's always there. I'm so thankful that i have them in my life, even my family and friends. I thank God for giving me all these amazing people who loves me even when I'm a wreck, they continue to make me feel that I'm a very lucky person. So, all in all this year, I'm thankful for every good and bad that had happened to me and i'm glad to have such great people who always make me feel blessed.. ^^
Because of my doubts i ruined our relationship, i hurt my partner. I should be thankful for all the things she did for me, but all i gave her are my doubts. I am having the greatest regret of my life right now, losing her is the last thing i want to happen or the thing that i don't wanna happen. i didn't mean to hurt her, i was just not using my head when i did that stupid thing and i hate myself for it! I'll try my hardest to win her back, i just hope and pray that she'll let me take her back. I know it wont be easy, this is the price I pay fro all the stupid things I've done and if she give this one last chance, I will not blow it up this time. I am not saying that I'll be perfect, I'll just be someone who will not do stupid things ever again. All i need is this chance, just one last chance..
We'll never know whether the person the we are with right now will make it to the future. They are in our lives right now and I'm pretty sure that we're looking forward to being with them in our future, we will not choose being with them if we don't like them to be part of our future. But what if you know that there's no future? That what you have right now is just plain temporary and you know that maybe after a couple of years that person will not be in our future but will just remain in our past. The most painful part is that you already know that it will eventually end, but you cling to that tiny hope in your head, hoping things will change and just share the future together, but you know that it will never happen and that tiny hope in your head? burn it down. Some things are just out of our control. But if you're to ask me? I am more than willing to be your future.
If you want to be respected, learn to respect yourselves, if you want to be trusted give other people reasons to trust you, if you want to be loved, just be who you are, the right person will find you. a lot of people will crush and hurt you, you'll get hurt but you'll learn. The only reason why you're with the wrong person is for you to find the right one. Time will only give us two choices, whether to be good or bad. A lot of people do bad things, but that doesn't mean we have to do the same thing.
That feeling when everybody expect you to be strong but deep inside you, you just wanna break down. That feeling when you can't even go to sleep at night because every piece of you is broken and in the morning you have to pretend that you're still the normal you, well in fact you're not anymore and all you can do is wonder when will you be whole again.